U-Turns, The Ultimate Stunt, Man

With apologies up front to Jason Britton, Kane Friesen and every other "one toy short of a happy meal" wannabe stunt junkie.....yeah, your skitching, 360 stoppies, Christ air's, 12 o'clock wheelies, and occasional femur snapping antics are truly entertaining, I'll grant you that. It takes heaps of bike control and a shocking disregard for the concept of "consequences" to do what you do.........a tip of the helmet to you all. Cool...........but not really the bomb, not a 500 pounder anyway, not even close.

Come on, you wanna really impress your riding cronies, that hot Marisa Miller clone at the bar, and maybe even yourself in the process? Try flippin' a u-turn in a 15 foot wide chunk of asphalt on a fully loaded (with a passenger bub) Harley Ultra-Classic.........now that's a stunt my fellow Chromies!

It's true, you know it. How many times have we seen a local motorcop rip a majestic "u-ee" at some random intersection and marveled......"if only". You see a guy throw down a smooth 180 and you know he's the real deal, the kind of guy that can fix a broken primary chain on the side of the road with a spoon and wad of Double Bubble, he's the guy you don't want your girlfriend to meet........ever, he's the guy that's pulling the string on your man card at this very moment. Tell what lies you will about lap times at a local trackday, or that iron butt weekend jaunt of 5,000 miles, even break out the dyno charts..........but you know, it's the lowly u-turn that separates the wankers from the real deal riders. And you wanna know how........don't you?

Cake my friend, total cake. All you have to do is read these words, find a flat piece of hardstuff and practice.......two afternoons, and you're gonna have that CHP motormaid shaking in his patent leathers when he catches a vidi of your sick skills. We're gonna assume you've been riding your Harley for more than fifteen minutes, have your appropriate safety crap (long sleeve black t-shirt) and are pretty comfortable with the whole "making it go" process.......we good? Cool, time to flip some..........

U-turns are by nature a low speed maneuver (which is actually what really scares the poo out of folks, crazy, I know), requiring very little in the way of throttle to execute, idle pace is perfect. The great thing about mostly any model of Harley Davidson is that they possess whopping scoops of torque which make the whole process stupid easy. Once we're rolling at a walking pace, begin to turn the bars in the direction you want to go. But what about "counter steering" you say!? Doesn't apply here, the speeds are simply too low to generate the full effect........but that's OK, so don't go beating up your MSF instructor, although you can give them grief for telling you not to cover the front brake.......we'll talk about that one later.

Make sure you're moderating the clutch in the "friction zone" as this will keep you from lurching or stalling........remember dear Chromie's, if you learn nothing else from these pages, a "smooth application of the controls" should be your mantra when piloting any two wheeled contraption. With the bars turned in, lean the bike in the same direction as the turn, while weighting the outside peg.....oh wait, we're talkin' Harley's here, I mean floorboard, with your foot. I know, I know, a lot going on.....and we haven't even got to the part about what you should be doing with your head!

Which is why I want you to shut your eyes and channel the seventh grade, hanging out with your buddies, riding your BMX bike, or if you're of my generation, your Stingray. Remember how when you were  BS-ing, you'd putt around in tight circles, standing straight up on the bike, off the seat, just slamming the bike from one side to the other as turned one way, then the other, in ever tightening circles?? It's the same damn principle!! Breakthrough......just like with your bike, your body is "straight" relative to the machine, while you "push it over" (lean sharply) in the direction you want to go.......it'll work with a Heritage Classic just as it did with your Schwinn.

As they say in sports, "as goes the head, so goes the body".......same deal here, now that we're turning our bars, leaning the bike, putting weight on the outside floorboard, we're now swiveling our noodle around so that we're looking at where we want to go. The more comfy you get with the drill, the sooner you'll snap you head around..........but for now baby steps, baby steps.

Now that we're completing the u-turn, we begin to let the bike come up out of the lean, the bars are straightening out, and we're feeding out the clutch while we apply more throttle.......done! Slicker than owl snot, and not nearly as messy. How do you feel about yourself now!? Once you've mastered the "left u-ee", practice doing them going to the right as well, if for no other reason than you'll be twice as bad as the guys that didn't. Getting up close and personal with these slow speed maneuvers also comes in pretty handy at gas stations, your favorite watering hole, and especially bike rallies........oh yeah, let those posers see your mad skills; take their woman, snatch their man cards..........eat your heart out Jason, there's a new sheriff in town!