Top Ten (non-binding) Resolutions For 2011

Bang. Bang. Pop, bang. Must be getting close to New Year's, either that or Chechen rebels have stormed the high ground of the Brentwood Water Park...........damn crafty "ex"-commies. With a volley of light arms fire, uh, fireworks, 2010 does its disappearing act in the metaphoric rearview, and none too flippin soon if I maybe allowed. So long '10, as years go, you were not one of my all-time faves. Now don't get me wrong,  got plenty to be thankful for; the clan's in good health, the kid has stayed out of trouble (at least as far as I know, and sometimes that just has to be good enough), we opened up the Asylum and you came inside for a look-see, and it appears that this just may be the last year for American Idol.....certainly not all bad, right?

But it wasn't all gravy fellow Chromies, not at all. For far too many of us the American dream has become just that, a dream, one that bears no resemblance to our waking reality; jobs are more difficult to find than an Obama voter at a Tea Party rally, our hard earned homes aren't worth any more than the cars in the driveway, and the government, in all its "widsom", has shown all the economic acumen of a crack addled chimp with ADD. At least they make up for it with personal integrity.......right!? All the while soulless Wall Street pukes "earn" obscene bonuses, personally I think Dante missed a level of hell............"eighth floor, bankers and lawyers only please".

But we're Americans, if we've got one thing going for us; our naysayer thumping, pundit whooping, economists be damned.........I don't care what over-priced Ivy League school you went to, I'm gonna make it happen attitude. So no matter where you find yourself as 2010 draws to a close, odds are you'll be in a much better place come the same time next year..........it's what we do. And making resolutions is another. I know it's a cliche'........but like most cliche's there's usually a fair amount of truth lurking under the surface, and if not, well, they can pretty damn funny anyway. Want proof? Think Hallmark cards, malls, Pamela Anderson, and every episode of "Leave it to Beaver" you've ever seen.......you're feeling me know, aren't you!?

Ahem, so here goes, in no particular order, because honestly it doesn't really matter, my Top Ten (non-binding) Resolutions for 2011..........

1) I resolve to eat better. Better steaks, better burgers, better deserts, better beers.......What did you think I was gonna say? Hey, I don't know what the deal is, but the older I get the better food tastes, and the better the food, the better the..........you get the idea. It's that texting teen in the Escalade that's gonna take me out, not an extra helping of Double Stuff Oreo's.......believe that!

2) I resolve to spend more time behind bars. No this doesn't mean I'm planning on getting jumped into the Big House Crew anytime soon, I just want some more saddle time on the Harley's. Or my KTM, even though the b**ch broke my hand last year......Riding motorcycles (any motorcycle if you must know the truth, even those cruiser clones for the clueless crowd) is one of the most enjoyable pursuits one can pursue........simply put, ain't no way to do too much riding, not possible.

3) I resolve to make a choice, Beverly Hills or the OC. I admit it, I'm hooked on the Real Housewives, not gonna lie to my fellow Chromies. Come on, Tamara, not you're average Wall Mart shopper my friends. But enough is truly enough, there's only so many hours in a week..........one crew of hotties must go. This may take some time...........don't want to be too hasty, not fair to the girls.

4) I resolve to hit the gym. Now to be honest, this one isn't much of a stretch, as I'm sort of a gym rat as it is........I know, I know, then why don't I look like it?? Damn good question.......and I'm gonna use my post workout snack time to riddle that one out. What I really wish is that all you other resolution junkies would blow off the "hitting the gym" number, keeps the post holidays throng to a manageable number........ever tried to get on a treadmill on January 1st? Not pretty...........

5) I resolve to buy a Harley Davidson XR1200X. OK, this one might be a bit of a long shot, and I'm not really sure that it actually qualifies as a bonafide "resolution", but I don't care, I want one. Harley got it right on this badboy, the Brembo brakes, Dunlop tires, fully adjustable suspension.......it's simply a blast (awkward Buell reference, sorry about that) to ride. I want one, I want one, I want one.

6) I resolve to make Chrome Asylum worth your time. To be honest, when I started scribbling away about my inner most two wheeled musings, I didn't think anyone would notice. But you have, and in a big way........either that, or my mother has found a way to game Google's blogspot system. That's a mother's love for ya. But this I promise........ah, resolve, you keep reading these words and I'll keep writing them.........like I need another excuse to ride motorcycles.

7) I resolve to stop offering unsolicited advice.......tomorrow. Hell that's one of the most fun about having a "bully pulpit". As a matter of fact here's some pearls for my fellow motorcycle industry guys, after the last few years we could all use some helpful tips, so here goes. An enthusiast lead company should actually be lead by enthusiasts, customers will sniff out a phony in a heartbeat (might be why sales are off?), so don't be stinky. Never confuse investors with customers, unless they are. And lastly, consultants are the last gasp hope of the truly clueless........if you need someone else to tell you what business you're in, yikes.

8) I resolve to not get my mad on every time I happen upon my fellow motorist as they text away instead of engaging in that admittedly far more boring task of........actually driving their vehicle. I know you're busy, what with updating your status, "......uh, I think I just ran over a motorcyclist, now I'm so late for Pilates, frownie!"; but if you promise to at least try to devote at least 50% of your time to not killing me and my mates, then I promise not to scream at you like a DI at a Code Pink rally.

9) I resolve to shoot more. Easy Chromies, number nine has absolutely nothing to do with number eight, so just chill, no need for 911. Fact is a lot of us motorcyclists loves our firearms too........and I'm no different. Target, trap, skeet, or just plinking, I'm up for it all. Unfortunately, it's a perishable skill, and I think I'm starting to get a little ripe.......simply not enough time at the range. Now if I only lived in a state that didn't make me feel like a criminal for just owning a gun........thank you PRK (Peoples Republic of Kalifornia)........dare to dream.

10) I resolve to find a gig.....at least one that pays. Yes fellow Chromies, your humble scribe was blessed with the opportunity to find an "opportunity".........and the timing couldn't have been better, no really. Worst economy in 80 years, motorcycle industry in ruins, glut of unemployed........don't care, gonna make it happen, and happen big......I'm feeling good about this one. And if I ever want that XR in my driveway (and yes, my kid to finish school) I had better be........."nothing like the prospect of the gallows to focus ones mind".......how's that for an ending quote!!

Happy New Year Chromies, see you on the flipside...............