Thursday, June 27, 2013

The Best Harley-Davidson Commercial You Haven't Seen

Monday, June 24, 2013

Texas Tales.....Riding the Lone Star State

As most of you know I relocated to the Republic of Texas nearly two years ago, and while I’m moving steadily on a path to citizenship (figured it’ll take about a decade to get naturalized) it’s still an almost daily adjustment when it comes to acclimating to the day to day in the Lone Star State. This is doubly true when it comes to riding out among ‘em in a state where the unofficial motto is; ”….hey honey hold my beer and watch this”.

But before we get into last weekend’s two lane escapades; a major announcement.  We’re rolling a new sled, sinister black denim 2013 FLTRX, the last of its kind as a matter of fact, at least for now. No doubt the Motor Company will bring the Glide back at some future date; it sells to damn well to kill it off for good……shareholders wouldn’t stand for that, no way. The machine is really trick with lots of Chrome Asylum touches, which ironically include a total black-out treatment, and very little, if any actual chrome. Expect a complete review of the War Wagon, including the not so pleasant purchase experience at one of HD’s Platinum Bar and Shield “stealerships”, along with tons of pics in the near future. 

A tasty tease...........War Wagon, my new '13 FLTRX
Sadly the only way to score the Road Glide was to sell my beloved Paint Shaker (’06 FLHRCI) and the Springer (’07 FXSTSSE). Very bummed to see them go, but the fact is I don’t get much time to ride one bike, let alone two, and with the daughter at one of those over-priced palaces of “higher” learning, it was the right time to downsize. One thing I know is there are a couple of Texans out there that scored some choice tricked out Milwaukee iron……….best treat ‘em right gents!

So yea, that whole riding thing. Yo Texas, can we get some lane splitting (ah, “sharing”) down heh!? What’s the deal, you’ve got traffic jams that would make five o’clock in Beijing seem like a spin in the country, surface of the sun heat for six months of the year, and NASCAR wannabe morons in their pick-ups tailgating (sorry, my bad, “drafting”) about an inch and a half of my fender. We need an “out” people. If they can allow the great unwashed the privilege of lane splitting in the Peoples Republik of Kalifornia, let’s show them what a free state can do. It’s time.

 I’ve heard that legislation has been introduced a couple of times in Austin over the last few years, so what’s the hold up?………I say get ‘er done dammit!! Of course as one wise local cop told me, he said, “son (which shows you how damn ancient he was) I wouldn’t advise you doing any of that lane spitting stuff around here, you’re liable to get a knee full of fender or a face full of Skoal”. Wise words indeed, maybe Tejas isn’t quite ready after all.

The stereotype is that nearly everyone in Texas drives a pick-up truck, maybe not entirely accurate. What is true is that every twisted, demented, Shiner swilling, road raging cowboy freak in Texas drives a pick-up truck. There’s a difference. Here’s what the chamber of commerce won’t tell you, every other one of these bozos is towing some sort of grapes of wrath flatbed trailer (which by the way slows them down not a single mph) stacked to the moon with all manner of mowers, blowers, grills, couches, lawn chairs, coolers, ladders, duck blinds, kiddie pools, and the occasional recently deceased white tale. All of which means when Bubba/Pedro slams into one of Texas’ famous, and numerous pot holes (these babies are deep and steep, they can taco a motorcycle rim faster than you can say “Red State”) at beer thirty qualifying speeds, it’s gonna be raining yard sale……….right in front of you and your machine. You best be on your game, constant “object avoidance” skill building is a must.  Don’t say you haven’t been warned.

Lastly, enough with the artificially low speed limits on rural roads. I doubt Texas invented the speed trap, but I think it’s fair to say they’ve perfected it. It’s such a joke that when I was recently caught on radar doing 52 in a 30 (I was) the cop let me go. He was understanding about the natural tendency to twist the throttle a little harder on two lane twisties (a rare find indeed in God’s Country….ah, that of course would be Tejas, right!?), and all but admitted the speed limits were not “appropriate” for boondocks nature of the road. It’s kind of a drag having to constantly keep one eye on the speedo, and the other scanning for John Law when cruising through the countryside. No doubt I see a hefty ticket in my future…….I’m pretty sure I burned my get out of jail free card with Officer Rider (I swear, that was his name!).

That about wraps it for now, stay tuned for more, assuming I survive Death Race Texas………where it’s not just a ride, it’s blacktop ops survival school.