Bug Off, It's Spring Baby!

Moments before impact

Ahhh the telltale signs of spring; chirping birds, income taxes, new Real Housewives of the OC episodes, trying to remember where the gym is.........and bugs, &%$# bugs!! Apologies up front to all you Chromies still mired in snow, dealing with early flooding, and coping with freezing temperatures........but you bought your ticket, you knew what you were getting into so deal. It's sunny out here on the left coast ("left coast"....how appropriate is that!?) and we're riding my friends.......well, actually, we never stopped, but I don't want to rub it in...........heh, heh, heh.

Insects, bugs, the flotsam and jetsam of the air, big liquidy puss sacks of splatter and rock hard exoskeleton armoured mini missiles, winged suicide angels..........infinite in number, less intent on survival than your average jihadist, they lurk just out of sight, hovering in the shadows, waiting for the opportune moment to grimly carry out their singular "mission" to extinguish their pathetic, fleeting existence just that much sooner. Preferred method of execution?

Death by motorcycle.........whether they off themselves on your faceshield, jacket, or bike........it really doesn't matter, they'll find you, and when they do, they'll pull you into their macabre dance of doom.......we're all powerless against their fanatical fatal onslaught. We can only hope to deal with the grim aftermath as best we can.

A tad dramatic? Yeah, maybe, but cut me some twine here, how else am I gonna get you to slog through a missive about bug removal........really, how? In my former life as motorcycle industry insider (ah, those were the days.........) I had the opportunity to sample all sorts of goodies; from jackets to boots, chains to communicators, as well as, all manner of chemical and potion that passed itself off as "cleaners". Some of these products you've heard of, others never made the light of day, and usually for good reason.

I'm happy to report that most "over-the-counter" cleaners on the market do a reasonable job of living up to their claims, and I have no doubt that all of you have a particular favorite that has served you well over the years and miles. But when it comes to bug gut removal, yours truly has found one remedy that performs far better than all the rest..........bar none.

Wanna know just what that magic potion is...........wait for it, wait for it.......hot water, and a 100% cotton towel. Yup, that's it, what, you were expecting some tiger blood and sulphuric acid elixir!? Look the fact is that nothing does a better job of clearing insect remains from your machine than hot/warm water (works even better when the bugs have had a chance to petrify before removal), just dip one end of the towel in the water, rub of the bug juice, and wipe dry. Done. No harm to the surface, painted, chrome or otherwise, which can not always be said of chemically based cleaners.

Don't ask me why, but the H2O method is less prone to streaking and really buffs up well on chrome, while common cleaners and waxes take much more effort to ensure they don't spot or streak. Just try it, and you'll see..........and if you employ my decidedly low tech (and so very "green", upon completing the task simply use the remaining liquid to water the foliage, you're feeling better about yourself already, huh!?) you'll be shocked by the results..........eww, starting to sound a little "infomercially", time to go.

So get out there and ride dammit, and the next time you're faced with buffing up the "killing fields" that is the front of your motorcycle, you'll know what to do..........no thanks necessary, just doing my job. Oh, one last thing, always resist the temptation to wipe a fresh kill from your faceshield while riding, I can assure you that whatever visual impairment you're suffering will be tripled by your efforts......trust me on this one..........